Lauren and the Apple Cider Donuts

There are so many other things I need to be doing right now. If I look at my planner right now, I’m probably going to have to pencil in when I’m allowed to breathe….. Yet here I am!

Let me just say, I am very disappointed with this so called “autumn” this year. What an impostor, from the heat, to the cold, to the heat again, or the leaves only changing color now at the end of November instead of early October (I guess I should blame human induced global climate change for that). But also no one was all that excited for Halloween, the greatest holiday of them all. I didn’t even carve a pumpkin!

The biggest travesty though was quite frankly the gaping whole in my heart from the absence of apple cider donuts in my life.

This was not for lack of trying though. Almost every day, I checked the local bakery near my house in Columbia, leaving with nothing but emptiness in my soul (I mean stomach, but they are basically one in the same). All of this culminated to the morning I woke up in College Park and said “Damn it, I need them NOW.” Scrolling through my phone, I found a farm thirty minutes away from me where, apparently, they had some beautiful specimens of these baked cake rings.

After recently complaining about how hard my relatively privileged life was without my favorite fall treat to my good friend, Lauren, who felt the pain of this deficiency as much as me, I knew she would be my date for sure.

Before I explain our journey for these gosh darn donuts, I fully disclose that Lauren is easily one of the most amazing people I know. She’s a kind and generous soul, who is sarcastic as hell, and comforting when you need it most. Lauren won’t hesitate to tell you she’d rather be drinking a glass of wine and petting a dog than dealing with your pettiness though. Her hobbies are the coolest on this earth (SHE’S A CONCERT PHOTOGRAPHER).

Truly, I couldn’t have asked for a better someone with whom to go on this adventure. I picked Lauren up in my messy, but organized Honda accord and drove off with the windows down. Naturally, I handed over full creative control to the concert junkie for the tunes on the radio, as we blasted what I can only describe as upbeat, alternative with a little pop kick to it. As cliche as it is to say, you could feel the excitement in the air between the two of us. After that thirty minute drive to the little farm I had found, and about fifteen minutes of searching the shop, the slender, uninterested goth teenager behind the counter broke our hearts in a little over five seconds.

“All the apple cider donuts were sold by noon today, sorry”

I doubted the authenticity of this apology. I was about to lose my mind as I weighed my options. There were no other places I could think of nearby with precisely what I wanted. Lauren and I were rather inflexible, like a spoiled child at Christmas refusing a off brand toy, on our desire for authentic, apple cider donuts. As we contemplated our options while the sun began setting, we were pacing along the grounds of the farm. Only after about five minutes did I realize how charming this farm stand was even without what we were craving.

A very cute miniature orchard was the perfect place to take basic white girl autumn photos and pretend like that’s what we meant to do in the first place. Lauren is going to hate me for posting these, but she’s stuntin so hard here so I absolutely must share.

We were pretending to pick apples, but there were bees around the apples as we found out half way through photos. I was quite excited as you can see, but Lauren, being a normal person, had a normal person reaction.



and then for the best part. My artistic spirit drew me to this barn where I started taking pictures as the sun set. I was quite proud of myself at first, thinking I had nailed some great photos (so I thought). After reevaluating, I came to the conclusion that I should give up on doing anything ever again. Sure, we got some good photos of the fake apple picking, hiding our despair and disappointment,

but I managed to ruin that when I realized I took a bunch of pictures of a cat licking its genitals in front of my artsy barn. My artistic soul had led me astray…

It was time to go home. With no donuts and only a few good photos that Lauren still doesn’t want me to post, I felt defeated. And then Lauren said the best thing she could.

Let’s go pick up some wine and binge watch Netflix.

So we did, and I had the brilliant idea of trying to make apple cider donuts at home…. AND I didn’t have apple cider of course. Maybe I need to ignore my artistic soul from here on out.  With an alarming lack of apple cider donuts in my life, the lovely glasses of wine the two of us had, as well as each other’s company was all starting to make up for it. They typically say misery enjoys company don’t they? We managed to whip together baked cinnamon sugar donuts and invite a few others over to  taste our donuts made with a little desperation and tipsiness. Might I just say, we did a damn good job of making it seem like these donuts were an acceptable substitute.

And this is why I date my friends.



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