Odd Thoughts: March 8th on Don’t Waste Your Time

Obviously, since I’m posting this late at night, it appears I’m in my feels (and fair, this is true). But I’d like to stress that what I’m going to say is driven by exhaustion and frustration over a long period of time (you’re probably thinking, let’s get to the point already, dish the drama).

Don’t waste your time

I don’t pretend to be a therapist or life coach or whatever the hell people call themselves to motivate people. I want to be a relatable voice for those of us that feel like “yeah, I really don’t want waste another damn moment doing [ insert dumb crap here ].” I hear you 100%.

SOOOO….Isn’t that one of the hardest things to do though? ABSOLUTELY. If you’ve ever sat there on your phone for a disgusting amount of time watching slime videos on Instagram or in a store only to come out with not a single item purchased (me… all the time, just the essence of past me), then please listen. To every other perfect being out there, I guess just read and laugh at my misfortunes and idiocracy.

Your time is so valuable, and some of you reading this are worth so much more than what you are valuing your time on this earth to be. Let me just give you a few examples please from my life…

One of the most important experiences of my life was my time in Honduras. I wasted my time by not taking advantage of a lot of opportunities there that I still regret.

MISSED EXPERIENCES

At the beginning of 2017, I went to Honduras (shocking right? I never stfu about Spain, but I’ve been to other places). Before leaving, I had a string of bad things happen at home that soured my mood, but also made me feel more confused in my life than I had been in a long time. I was only in the country for two weeks, building a school for children who needed access to education in their village. Instead of hanging out with the countless people from my school that came on the trip with me, I retracted from social surroundings and generally didn’t act like myself. I spent a lot of time alone, or messaging people from home (love you mom, thanks for listening to me complain all the time). It was one of my biggest regrets; it was situational, but I wasted my valuable time where I could have made life-long friends. I didn’t push myself to think about the ephemeral nature of the trip and experience. I’m not saying people who are introverted should feel bad about not taking advantage of social encounters by the way. Whatever you find that makes you happy, that’s how you should spend your time! Here though, I was so unhappy with how I retracted, and I’m still saddened by it.

DUMB DATING

Yes, I was hit on by Darth Vader. No digits though 😥

I had a Tinder a little while back (OH NO HERE WE GO). It was a pretty impressive profile, not going to lie of hype it but I thought I was killing it. Anyway, I would sit there for (god only knows how long, but very long) long periods of time, just swiping, sometimes laughing, sometimes on the verge of giving up on humanity from the responses I would get. At first, it was just fun, and I went on a few interesting (aka shitty) dates. There were a few times when I genuinely thought I liked a guy, only to be ghosted or realize their online persona was so far from reality they might as well have just been an imaginary friend I made up. I kept going though. WHY? I was bored. I began valuing my time as SO MUCH LESS than it’s worth.

 

 

GIVING TOO MUCH

Even if you don’t know me, you may be able to tell how “extra” I am from my blog, meaning I am an extremes kind of person. I love enthusiasm, when people are incredibly into something and they aren’t afraid to show it. A part of me is romantic in this sense, because I also participate in this deep loving of ideas, as well as culture, but also people. I find myself falling in love with peoples’ personalities and ways in which they live their lives quite quickly, forming deep connections with friends who feel the same way. On the other hand though, the connections sometimes are deep to me, but shallow to the opposing parties. It’s as if I’m acting as a best friend or a girlfriend, when in reality the other person will never reciprocate in this same way. In those situations, I’ll always give more than I’ll ever receive, leading to a feeling of stupidity, even a broken heart in rare cases. I don’t regret being a hopeless romantic, basically Hozier in Someone New, but I think it’s a huge waste of my time to give so much for so little, if anything, in return.

SOOOOOOO….

I’m a very passionate person, about a lot of (I think) very interesting things. There were so many other, productive AND life-fulfilling things I could have been doing. I’m not saying every moment of my life needs to be like that, but I wasn’t happy! None of that stupid time spent made me calmer or happier, or even less bored. And in regards to the first story in Honduras, I was unhappy, and I wasted my time by just continuing to be unhappy when I could have pushed myself to find that contentment.

So I guess what I’m saying is, if it’s not making you happy, and it’s not worth your time, ask yourself “Why the f*ck am I doing this?” Tell yourself not to waste your damn time. You don’t have to be one of those crazy, extreme people who live on the edge of life and always feel like they need to be happy and enjoy EVERYTHING.

HOW TO NOT WASTE YOUR DAMN TIME

  • I heard this idea recently on The Daily podcast by the New York Times (link here, listen to March 6th, 2018). Make a list of things that you like in your life, that make you happy. Then, make a list on the same sheet of paper of the things you hate that you are doing. Now, the hard part… Write what you’re going to do about it. If you have a passion or purpose, dive deeper into it. Lost and confused? Find some purpose, something that you can do to make this world (or even just your world) a better place. Volunteer at a local food bank, advocate for an issue by calling your elected officials, make a plan to eat healthier and more sustainably (shameless plug for my recipes). The most important thing you can do is recognize what it is that needs to change.
  • Delete your social media from your phone for a week. LET ME TELL YOU, this worked for me 1509348%, because I was fully aware of my addiction to Snapchat and Instagram and dumb ass Facebook stories. It all was a waste of my damn time. Make sure to list though what you’ll do with that free time you now have without social media. Will you read a book? Do homework? Practice learning a new language?! Possibilities are endless my loves.

You may not need ANY of this advice, and who am I to be giving it? Honestly, I’m just a senior about to graduate from college without a clue what to do. I just want you to know that there’s someone you can relate to, there are solutions to your problems, and you don’t need to be a sophisticated adult to figure this shit out.

Some bonus savageness for those of you that kept reading till the end 😉

Oddly Dating: Lauren and A Disturbing Lack of Apple Cider Donuts

There are so many other things I need to be doing right now. If I look at my planner right now, I’m probably going to have to pencil in when I’m allowed to breathe….. Yet here I am!

Let me just say, I am very disappointed with this previous autumn season. From the heat, to the cold, to the heat again, or the leaves only changing color now at the end of November instead of early October, it was a what the f*ck moment each day. No one was all that excited for Halloween; I didn’t even carve a pumpkin with liberal shit on it to piss of Trump supporters. The biggest travesty though was the absence, the whole in my heart, that was the lack of apple cider donuts that were consumed.

Not for lack of trying though. Almost every day I checked the local bakery near my house in Columbia, leaving with nothing but emptiness in my soul (I mean stomach, but they are basically one in the same) each time I left. All of this culminated to the morning I woke up in College Park and said “f*ck this, I need them NOW.” Scrolling through my phone, I found a farm; thirty minutes away from me were, apparently, the best damn looking cider donuts in the region.

Naturally, I had to invite the one person I had complained to about the situation, and the person who 100% suffered as much as I did without these delicious explosions of fall goodness in ya mouth; Lauren was my date for sure.

Before I explain this surely saddening story, I must say that Lauren is easily one of my best friends, but also one of the most amazing people I know. She’s a kind and generous soul, who is sarcastic as hell, and comforting when you need it most. Lauren won’t hesitate to tell you she’d rather be drinking a glass of wine and petting a dog than dealing with your shit though. Her hobbies are the coolest on this earth (SHE’S A CONCERT PHOTOGRAPHER).

All my friends are more talented than me, that’s just the rule I guess. I sit there in awe at how much they have their shit together in terms of their passions, and then laugh my ass off at how much we all can’t get it together for real, graded classes.

Truly, I couldn’t have asked for a better someone to better suffer wit. After that thirty minute drive to the little farm we had found, and about fifteen minutes of searching the shop, “all the apple cider donuts were sold by noon today, sorry” was the end product, told quite blatantly by the girl behind the cash register. I was about to lose my shit (internally I did for sure, I’ve never cussed so much), but then I realized this was a cute venue. A very cute miniature orchard was the perfect place to take basic white girl autumn photos and pretend like that’s what we meant to do in the first place.

Lauren is going to hate me for posting these, but she’s a babe so I have to. They’re great.

We pretended to pick apples, but there were bees around the apples as we found out half way through photos. I was quite excited as you can see.

 

and then for the best part. Me and my artsy self (not really artsy I just try hard to be), started taking pictures of a barn, and specifically this cute as heck cat we found roaming around the farm. They were great photos, or so I thought. After reevaluating, I came to the conclusion that I should give up on doing anything ever again. Sure, we got some good photos of the fake apple picking, hiding our despair and disappointment, but I managed to ruin that when I realized I took a bunch of pictures of a cat licking its balls in front of an artsy barn.

It was time to go home. With no donuts and only a few good photos that Lauren still doesn’t want me to post, I felt defeated. And then Lauren said the best thing she could.

Let’s go pick up some wine and binge watch Netflix.

So we did, and I had the brilliant idea of making apple cider donuts at home….I didn’t have apple cider though (of course, I’m a f*cking genius for that). With an alarming lack of anything I needed in my life besides the lovely glasses of wine the two of us had, we managed to whip together baked cinnamon sugar donuts and invite a few others over to enjoy in the donuts made with frustration and anger and tipsiness. Might I just say, we did a damn good job of making it seem like these donuts were an acceptable substitute.

And this is why I date my friends.

A Letter to My Best Friend: Holly, I Miss You

Yes. I am supposed to be a food blogger, but I have rarely been talking about food lately.

Yes. I am writing this instead of doing my homework.

And yes. We haven’t talked in a long time Holly. I’ve been really busy, and I bet you have been as well. I hope your grandma is doing well and I hate you because it’s cold here and you’re probably on the beach half the time (or running away from alligators and trump supporters because isn’t that the entirety of Florida?) It’s been a long time since the moment I thought of writing this to actually getting around to it, but here it goes.

I miss you

I don’t mean to make this about me, but you are about the most constant thing in my life and I miss you all the time. When I was made fun of in middle school by my other friends, you stayed by my side no matter how fucking weird I was (and still am). We walked to Tratorias (a local pizza shop where the owner definitely thought we were a lesbian couple, nothing wrong with that) to eat and do homework every day of our sophomore year. The two of us got into Harry Potter WAY later than everyone else, and you put up with me never shutting the fuck up about Spain the first time I went. We went through many spirit weeks, homecomings, proms, parties, and reaaalllllyyyyy strange nights bumping Juicy-J in the car while driving around doing nothing (what can you really do in the suburbs at 17 years old).

Do you remember when we used to watch Doctor Who all night, get milkshakes, or when we used to *play* soccer on the football field and pretend like we were staring in the World Cup? Or when we would spend hours in the library at our community college messaging each other stupid photos on Facebook instead of actually doing work?  What about the days we would hike and nearly get lost and die except we were probably only 10 minutes away from home? How about Halloween when we dressed up together as literally the same person? (If you haven’t watched Doctor Who, gtfo, get woke, and read this all over again)

I’m being too nostalgic, I know. I’m like an old woman recounting her good days to her house full of cats (totally not my future….)

I know I disappoint you because I make bad decisions; kiss boys I shouldn’t, and tell awful jokes that make you cringe every time. I realize I should make an effort more to actually tell you this in person but here it is right now (and I can’t make any promises to do anything on time, you know who I am as a person and it’s just not possible).

Things haven’t necessarily been easy, and you know that. My home, my college, friends, boyfriends, area of study, career choice, plans in life in general, understanding of the universe?!?! , my writing ability (whattttt) have all changed; hopefully for the better. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve changed completely over, maybe even a few times. I wish you were here right now so I could tell you all about how my life got twist turned upside down….. no? not funny?  Honestly, I can never tell if the change is for the better until I see you. It’s quite possible you feel the same way. Life is funny that way, but I will tell you one thing;

I will never change so much to the point where you’re not my best friend. It’s just not possible.

I have never met anyone so brave, unique, and honest to who she is as a person, and no matter how we both change, I’ll respect you forever because of it. Not only that, but you’re just an amazingly understanding and patient person. You’ve been there for me through some of the most difficult times in my life and made me feel like there was a future when it seemed like there was nothing but darkness. I love you Holly and sometimes I wish we were both born liking vagina because we would be perfect wives together, but I’m so happy to have you as my best friend.

Please come home soon.

Oddly Dating: Tianxin and La Pupuseria

First of all, I just want to say I think it’s a beautiful thing that a Norwegian/Irish white girl and a Chinese girl can walk into a Salvadoran restaurant to get food without even the thought of how none of this would be possible without globalization and how we are all beautifully connected, especially by food. I mean, all of the waitresses still looked at us like “what are these non-latino bitches doing in here?” but still, beautiful.

Okay, I’m done trying to be deep and philosophical. Let’s talk about MY DATE, one of the most amazing people I know and truly one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Tianxin. This girl is the whole package, and I am not just saying that (actually super jealous low-key but now it’s high-key).  She’s going to hate me for writing this because she’s incredibly modest, but this female is amazing at everything she does. Her artistic talent touches upon every aspect of her life, whether it is her photographic eye, cooking videos on her snapchat, her bomb ass outfits; it doesn’t matter (she’s also a sassy hoe but we will get to that later).

Naturally then, she had to be my first date. The two of us go to University of Maryland, making it incredibly easy to get to Washington D.C. I’m not sure if you know this, but there are a lot of amazing restaurants there that I never shut up about. However, that’s not where we went. College Park, Maryland may not be the same type of cultural hub with vibing lunch spots, more like hungover college students in line for Bagel Place repeatedly saying “I want to die” and “what did I do last night?” (I can’t honestly say that hasn’t been me… on numerous occasions). But the two of us really appreciate authenticity… and cheapness, and for that I knew just the place. La Pupuseria.

Authentic Salvadoran pupusas and chicken tamales on a beautiful, hot as hell fall day

just a side note, the weather in Maryland has been so hot I’ve woken up questioning where I am, if I will survive (because my A.C. is broken), and also how people can be so not woke as to deny climate change. I’m here sweating my ass off and it’s October; that’s not okay, I should be freezing my ass off.

If you don’t know what pupusas are, I’m so sorry. It’s not too late for you to enjoy life. Go out and get yourself one of those

tortillas stuffed with cheese and goodness ASAP. Our waitress approached and guess who didn’t speak Spanish because her date ordered for her?! (I’m dying to practice my Spanish, it is so weak after coming back from Spain).  Tianxin and I sat by the window. “Good natural light, great for pictures,” she told me. Chicken tamales, pupusas with beans and chiccaron (pork, SO GOOD). And these were enjoyed along with the wonderful conversation. People probably think we hate each other. There’s no end to the sarcasm and bitch fest between the two of us if we are being honest. Tianxin tells me straight when I’m being a whiny bitch, or when I really need to stop trying to drunkenly cook for everyone on a Saturday night (unless of course she’s just as gone as I am, and none of my friends say no though so this is going to keep happening). Tianxin is a real friend and a fucking pleasure to be around. 

We waited for our food among the sounds of Spanish music and the Barcelona game on the television. It all seemed to be drowned out as the two of us talked about school (or maybe we were crying?), my drama filled life (as you can tell from my blog), and how much it sucks when someone is attractive but their personality isn’t.

My birthgiver (my mom, that’s what I call my mom) always told me, “looks are only the price of admission.” What she meant was, attraction is only the first step towards engagement. It’s not having your cake, or eating it, or both. Not even close man. It’s cool if you’re really cute, but if you don’t care about anything, if you don’t have interests or any sort of passion, I think it should be pretty obvious where you’re going with someone who does; nowhere.

So we babbled on, but I still wanted to practice my Spanish. If you hadn’t already seen from my blog posts, instagram, snapchat stories, facebook, literally everything I do, I really love speaking Spanish (AND ALSO, I went to Spain. I know, I never talk about it…never). When our food came out, the waitress forgot to bring two forks. I went up to the counter and said in plain Spanish, “Do you have a fork?”

She answered in English. All of them looked at me confused, gave me the fork, and watched me walk back to my table super salty and disappointed. As Tianxin can tell you, I didn’t let this go, not even after eating the most amazing five dollar meal I’ve ever had. I don’t know if I can accurately describe in detail the feeling of eating something this good under $5. All I will say is,

It was fucking delicious.

I don’t think I could have asked for a more perfect date. And the next day, she didn’t even ghost me. She even listened to me complain again about my Spanish-less encounter. If that isn’t true love and luck, I don’t know what is.

Odd Thoughts: September 17th on Openness

Ok, first off, what the hell does openness mean? Because I’m currently taking a class taught by Martin O’Malley, former Governor of Maryland, and he keeps saying this word like every five minutes when talking about leaders. I must be an A-MAZING leader because it was brought to my attention lately that I share A LOT on here. The actual phrasing was “you overshare your shit Megan”

Fair.

I used to be very closed off though, unwilling to tell anyone about all the times I’ve waved at someone, thinking they were waving at me, and then realizing they were looking at someone behind me. Or how about all the times I’ve set off the smoke detector cooking dinner for a date? and then falling off a chair trying to turn off said smoke detector? (None of these happened obviously, purely hypothetical….)

In all seriousness, I’ve become a open person in my life after entering college, breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, and going through a lot of family hardships. It has a lot to do with wanting others to not feel alone, but also with being comfortable with myself, which again, I wasn’t previously.

I know what it feels like to not have anyone to talk or relate to when it comes to how depression, anxiety, addiction, and lack of self-confidence can affect my life inside and out. It fucking sucks. When there’s no support system for you to lean on, life can feel unbearable. You don’t want to get out of bed maybe, without the ability to focus on even the most important things to you. It feels like you are constantly at a shitty frat party; no one can hear you trying to speak and a lot of dumb shit is happening around you.

That’s why I write this blog the way I do. I don’t necessarily talk about these darker topics of my life and the ones around me, because, to be honest, it’s not what I want to define me. But I will be incredibly honest and tell you about everything else. I’ll tell you how much of a human mistake I can possibly be on a daily basis because I’m ok with it. It’s alright to be a mess sometimes (or all the time in my case) and have issues. I am not alone in this and neither are you.

So yeah, I overshare. You  probably don’t need to know about the time I had to explain what tampons were to my host father in Spanish, or the never ending short romances of my life. I’d like to think though that these experiences of mine are relatable, and if not, at least funny. I’ll keep oversharing for you all, starting with my posts about friend dates this week woooo

Oddly Dating: A New Series

If you don’t know me personally, this title probably seems like I’m going to start sharing WAY too much information with the world. I guess even if you do know me, it still seems that way. I’m already a freak, so how is oddly dating different for me than regular dating?

Hear me out

I’m a single pringle, and I intend to stay that way after five years of being in and out of relationships. Doing things for myself is a necessity at this point which includes writing this blog!

So I had an idea.
Although I really want to be single right now and just chill out, I’m a huge fan of going out on dates and doing everything couples do, especially in the autumn. At first I thought:

“Maybe I should just go by myself, take myself out on dates and sit alone in a restaurant with no one to talk to yay….”

Maybe not.

Instead, I’m going to date like the odd person I am. I’m going to date my friends. All the art gallery visits, hole-in-the-wall DC restaurant dinners, zoo trips, and farmers market adventures I can’t get enough of are going to be times spent with a lucky friend each time. And no, I’m not some lonely cat lady even though there’s literally nothing wrong with that (rock on my feline females). I wrote about recently not settling, getting what you want. That’s exactly what I’m doing; going out where I want with people I care about and not settling.

I’ll share all the juicy details here of the laughs at my not funny jokes and wine drunk gossipy nights. Stay tuned.