Oddly Dating: Lauren and A Disturbing Lack of Apple Cider Donuts

There are so many other things I need to be doing right now. If I look at my planner right now, I’m probably going to have to pencil in when I’m allowed to breathe….. Yet here I am!

Let me just say, I am very disappointed with this previous autumn season. From the heat, to the cold, to the heat again, or the leaves only changing color now at the end of November instead of early October, it was a what the f*ck moment each day. No one was all that excited for Halloween; I didn’t even carve a pumpkin with liberal shit on it to piss of Trump supporters. The biggest travesty though was the absence, the whole in my heart, that was the lack of apple cider donuts that were consumed.

Not for lack of trying though. Almost every day I checked the local bakery near my house in Columbia, leaving with nothing but emptiness in my soul (I mean stomach, but they are basically one in the same) each time I left. All of this culminated to the morning I woke up in College Park and said “f*ck this, I need them NOW.” Scrolling through my phone, I found a farm; thirty minutes away from me were, apparently, the best damn looking cider donuts in the region.

Naturally, I had to invite the one person I had complained to about the situation, and the person who 100% suffered as much as I did without these delicious explosions of fall goodness in ya mouth; Lauren was my date for sure.

Before I explain this surely saddening story, I must say that Lauren is easily one of my best friends, but also one of the most amazing people I know. She’s a kind and generous soul, who is sarcastic as hell, and comforting when you need it most. Lauren won’t hesitate to tell you she’d rather be drinking a glass of wine and petting a dog than dealing with your shit though. Her hobbies are the coolest on this earth (SHE’S A CONCERT PHOTOGRAPHER).

All my friends are more talented than me, that’s just the rule I guess. I sit there in awe at how much they have their shit together in terms of their passions, and then laugh my ass off at how much we all can’t get it together for real, graded classes.

Truly, I couldn’t have asked for a better someone to better suffer wit. After that thirty minute drive to the little farm we had found, and about fifteen minutes of searching the shop, “all the apple cider donuts were sold by noon today, sorry” was the end product, told quite blatantly by the girl behind the cash register. I was about to lose my shit (internally I did for sure, I’ve never cussed so much), but then I realized this was a cute venue. A very cute miniature orchard was the perfect place to take basic white girl autumn photos and pretend like that’s what we meant to do in the first place.

Lauren is going to hate me for posting these, but she’s a babe so I have to. They’re great.

We pretended to pick apples, but there were bees around the apples as we found out half way through photos. I was quite excited as you can see.

 

and then for the best part. Me and my artsy self (not really artsy I just try hard to be), started taking pictures of a barn, and specifically this cute as heck cat we found roaming around the farm. They were great photos, or so I thought. After reevaluating, I came to the conclusion that I should give up on doing anything ever again. Sure, we got some good photos of the fake apple picking, hiding our despair and disappointment, but I managed to ruin that when I realized I took a bunch of pictures of a cat licking its balls in front of an artsy barn.

It was time to go home. With no donuts and only a few good photos that Lauren still doesn’t want me to post, I felt defeated. And then Lauren said the best thing she could.

Let’s go pick up some wine and binge watch Netflix.

So we did, and I had the brilliant idea of making apple cider donuts at home….I didn’t have apple cider though (of course, I’m a f*cking genius for that). With an alarming lack of anything I needed in my life besides the lovely glasses of wine the two of us had, we managed to whip together baked cinnamon sugar donuts and invite a few others over to enjoy in the donuts made with frustration and anger and tipsiness. Might I just say, we did a damn good job of making it seem like these donuts were an acceptable substitute.

And this is why I date my friends.

Oddly Dating: Tianxin and La Pupuseria

First of all, I just want to say I think it’s a beautiful thing that a Norwegian/Irish white girl and a Chinese girl can walk into a Salvadoran restaurant to get food without even the thought of how none of this would be possible without globalization and how we are all beautifully connected, especially by food. I mean, all of the waitresses still looked at us like “what are these non-latino bitches doing in here?” but still, beautiful.

Okay, I’m done trying to be deep and philosophical. Let’s talk about MY DATE, one of the most amazing people I know and truly one of the best friends I’ve ever had, Tianxin. This girl is the whole package, and I am not just saying that (actually super jealous low-key but now it’s high-key).  She’s going to hate me for writing this because she’s incredibly modest, but this female is amazing at everything she does. Her artistic talent touches upon every aspect of her life, whether it is her photographic eye, cooking videos on her snapchat, her bomb ass outfits; it doesn’t matter (she’s also a sassy hoe but we will get to that later).

Naturally then, she had to be my first date. The two of us go to University of Maryland, making it incredibly easy to get to Washington D.C. I’m not sure if you know this, but there are a lot of amazing restaurants there that I never shut up about. However, that’s not where we went. College Park, Maryland may not be the same type of cultural hub with vibing lunch spots, more like hungover college students in line for Bagel Place repeatedly saying “I want to die” and “what did I do last night?” (I can’t honestly say that hasn’t been me… on numerous occasions). But the two of us really appreciate authenticity… and cheapness, and for that I knew just the place. La Pupuseria.

Authentic Salvadoran pupusas and chicken tamales on a beautiful, hot as hell fall day

just a side note, the weather in Maryland has been so hot I’ve woken up questioning where I am, if I will survive (because my A.C. is broken), and also how people can be so not woke as to deny climate change. I’m here sweating my ass off and it’s October; that’s not okay, I should be freezing my ass off.

If you don’t know what pupusas are, I’m so sorry. It’s not too late for you to enjoy life. Go out and get yourself one of those

tortillas stuffed with cheese and goodness ASAP. Our waitress approached and guess who didn’t speak Spanish because her date ordered for her?! (I’m dying to practice my Spanish, it is so weak after coming back from Spain).  Tianxin and I sat by the window. “Good natural light, great for pictures,” she told me. Chicken tamales, pupusas with beans and chiccaron (pork, SO GOOD). And these were enjoyed along with the wonderful conversation. People probably think we hate each other. There’s no end to the sarcasm and bitch fest between the two of us if we are being honest. Tianxin tells me straight when I’m being a whiny bitch, or when I really need to stop trying to drunkenly cook for everyone on a Saturday night (unless of course she’s just as gone as I am, and none of my friends say no though so this is going to keep happening). Tianxin is a real friend and a fucking pleasure to be around. 

We waited for our food among the sounds of Spanish music and the Barcelona game on the television. It all seemed to be drowned out as the two of us talked about school (or maybe we were crying?), my drama filled life (as you can tell from my blog), and how much it sucks when someone is attractive but their personality isn’t.

My birthgiver (my mom, that’s what I call my mom) always told me, “looks are only the price of admission.” What she meant was, attraction is only the first step towards engagement. It’s not having your cake, or eating it, or both. Not even close man. It’s cool if you’re really cute, but if you don’t care about anything, if you don’t have interests or any sort of passion, I think it should be pretty obvious where you’re going with someone who does; nowhere.

So we babbled on, but I still wanted to practice my Spanish. If you hadn’t already seen from my blog posts, instagram, snapchat stories, facebook, literally everything I do, I really love speaking Spanish (AND ALSO, I went to Spain. I know, I never talk about it…never). When our food came out, the waitress forgot to bring two forks. I went up to the counter and said in plain Spanish, “Do you have a fork?”

She answered in English. All of them looked at me confused, gave me the fork, and watched me walk back to my table super salty and disappointed. As Tianxin can tell you, I didn’t let this go, not even after eating the most amazing five dollar meal I’ve ever had. I don’t know if I can accurately describe in detail the feeling of eating something this good under $5. All I will say is,

It was fucking delicious.

I don’t think I could have asked for a more perfect date. And the next day, she didn’t even ghost me. She even listened to me complain again about my Spanish-less encounter. If that isn’t true love and luck, I don’t know what is.

Oddly Dating: A New Series

If you don’t know me personally, this title probably seems like I’m going to start sharing WAY too much information with the world. I guess even if you do know me, it still seems that way. I’m already a freak, so how is oddly dating different for me than regular dating?

Hear me out

I’m a single pringle, and I intend to stay that way after five years of being in and out of relationships. Doing things for myself is a necessity at this point which includes writing this blog!

So I had an idea.
Although I really want to be single right now and just chill out, I’m a huge fan of going out on dates and doing everything couples do, especially in the autumn. At first I thought:

“Maybe I should just go by myself, take myself out on dates and sit alone in a restaurant with no one to talk to yay….”

Maybe not.

Instead, I’m going to date like the odd person I am. I’m going to date my friends. All the art gallery visits, hole-in-the-wall DC restaurant dinners, zoo trips, and farmers market adventures I can’t get enough of are going to be times spent with a lucky friend each time. And no, I’m not some lonely cat lady even though there’s literally nothing wrong with that (rock on my feline females). I wrote about recently not settling, getting what you want. That’s exactly what I’m doing; going out where I want with people I care about and not settling.

I’ll share all the juicy details here of the laughs at my not funny jokes and wine drunk gossipy nights. Stay tuned.