Cinnamon Apple Oatmeal

This recipe is ridiculously easy. All you need is a microwave, but you can use a stove top too.
I want you to picture your favorite breakfast. You’re about to realize everything you believe to be amazing is sub-par
Okay maybe I’m incredibly over-hyping this, but it’s really good and really easy to make.

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
  • 1 cup almond milk* (or regular milk)
  • 1 apple, peeled and diced (you don’t have to peel if you don’t have time)
  • Handful of chopped walnuts, however many you want
  • A sprinkle of ground cinnamon

Directions:

  1. Grab a medium sized bowl. Combine oats and milk and stir.
  2. Microwave for 2 1/2 – 3 minutes, being careful to make sure the milk doesn’t bubble over. Stir after each minute if this is an issue.
  3. Afterwards, add the apples, walnuts and cinnamon. Let sit for a minute before stirring in.
  4. Mix it all up and enjoy! It it’s not sweet enough, add a little bit or honey or sugar. You shouldn’t have to though, it’s delicious!

Notes*

You don’t have to use almond milk, but I’d recommend it. Almond milk stays better for longer in the fridge. If you aren’t an avid milk drinker, this can really help you save money and reduce waste!

 

 

Breakfast Tacos

This recipe is so easy, so I want to write it simply and concisely! I hate when blogs have a long ass explanation on why the recipe has so much spiritual meaning to the blogger’s third cousin, twice removed. Just enjoy!

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Ingredients:

  • Cherry tomatoes, sliced in half
  • Shredded Cheese (Mexican, White Cheddar, Pepper Jack)
  • Avocado, peeled and mashed
  • Tortillas, taco sized
  • Lettuce, chopped
  • Greek Yogurt or Sour Cream, for topping
  • Hot Sauce (I love Trader Joe’s Chili Sauce)
  • Eggs, scrambled
  • Salt
  • Chili Powder
  • Paprika
  • Garlic Powder

Instructions:

  1. Prepare all ingredients. If you’re making one or two for yourself, use a handful of each the cheese and tomatoes. Grab one egg for one person, three for two people, and so on.
  2. Take the eggs you’re using and scramble them with a pinch of each salt, chili powder, paprika, and garlic powder.
  3. Put a saucepan on the stove top, set the temperature to medium-low, and cook the eggs. Stir frequently with a rubber spatula until they are fluffy and just a little wet.
  4. Meanwhile, heat your tortillas in the microwave between damp paper towels, about thirty seconds.
  5. Grab a tortilla and smear a generous amount of avocado on it. Place egg on top of tortilla.
  6. Top off the tortilla with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, Greek yogurt/sour cream, and hot sauce.
  7. Enjoy because it’ll be the best part of your day.

The BEST Scrambled Eggs

You may be thinking right now, “Seriously? Do you really need to clarify how to make one of the easiest things in the world?” Yes, yes I do.

Why must I do this?

Doctor Well 1

You probably suck at making eggs, and you don’t even know it. It’s kind of like realizing after eleven years that you named your male hamster Gloria because your parents were too polite to tell you she wasn’t actually a she (rock on Gloria, who cares). I’m not that polite though when it comes
to this. It’s too easy for you to fuck up. If you like plain, and you want to do it your way, why are the hell are you here?! Make your average eggs! To everyone else, listen to me, and make them right. You’ll never go back to rubbery, tasteless, disgustingly average eggs.

I’m going to give you options. Eggs don’t have to have only salt and pepper after they’ve already been cooked. You can spice them up! Take these other tips to heart as well.

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Tips:

  • Get some real butter, no margarine. No offense if you like it, but it’s ABSOLUTELY awful when you cook eggs.
  • Put the butter actually IN with the eggs before you cook them. Just cut the butter into little chunks and mix it into the raw egg.
  • SOUR CREAM, the secret (or creme fraiche) to the best eggs. When your eggs are about halfway cooked, with some raw, liquidy egg left, take the pan off the burner and add a spoonful of sour cream or creme fraiche. Mix it up and then put it back on the burner to continue to cook.
    • Creme fraiche is expensive BUT IT’S SO GOOD. JUST TRY IT ONCE. You’ll never regret it
  • If you’ve browned them, you’ve gone too damn far. There’s no turning back; I’m sorry for your loss.
  • Use a saucepan to cook them instead of a frying pan. You can mix them much more easily this way.
  • Grab a rubber spatula and use that to continually mix while cooking.
  • Before you cook them, add herbs and spices to the raw eggs. Below I’ve listed some of my favorite combinations.

Variations:

For each egg you cook, I recommend 1/8 tsp as your standard for each herb or spice

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I can guarantee if you try adding flavor to your eggs before cooking them, every time you go out to breakfast you’ll be asking the chef for special eggs like a posh badass.

  • salt + pepper + paprika in equal quantities
  • salt + chili powder + cumin with less cumin
  • tarragon + sage + salt + extra pepper
  • red pepper flakes + oregano + salt + pepper
  • curry powder (1/4 tsp per egg) + salt + pepper (both 1/8 tsp per egg)
  • salt + cayenne + a pinch of nutmeg

 

Try your own! Get out there and experiment with your eggs…. okay not in that way. Come on, you know what I mean.

Maximum Yogurt Deliciousness

I have trouble making decisions, about everything. Whether it was choosing my major or which carton of eggs (because they’re all so different right?). Sometimes, there are just too many options to choose from. I’m not complaining! I’d rather have variety than be limited, but choosing the right… anything? can be difficult.

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If you shop at a grocery store, you’ve probably seen the wall or isle of yogurt options. Fruit in the bottom, fat-free, sugar-free, candy add ins, all types of Greek yogurt, and so it goes. I probably haven’t even covered half the choices. With all of these brands, types, and “healthy” claims, I used to be lost and confused on what the hell I should buy. “Greek yogurt is so good for you! With probiotics, antibiotics, holy water, golden flakes, it’s all great!” If you look at a standard container of flavored Greek yogurt though, the sugar content is comparable to a serving of ice cream. Fruit-in-the-bottom yogurt is even worse. Health claims scream from the labels, making empty promises a lot of the time.

I love what Michael Pollan said about labels with health claims in his book and documentary In Defense of Food.  “If you’re concerned about your health, you should probably avoid products that make health claims. Why? Because a health claim on a food product is a strong indication it’s not really food, and food is what you want to eat.” I live by this advice. When I grocery shop, I buy food without labels or with little to say if it has a label.

Doctor_shocked

I recommend following this advice with all of your food shopping, but especially yogurt. Buy plain and simple. Every time I shop for food, I buy a large container of plain, low-fat Greek yogurt. I don’t listen to the health claims; I just now it has added protein and I like the thickness of it. Plain Greek yogurt sounds bland as hell if you aren’t used to flavoring things on your own, but that’s what I’m here for! You can eat healthy and enjoy it too.

Okay, so first, buy the plain Greek yogurt (or regular yogurt. Just make sure it’s plain).

Decide how you want to eat it. Do you want to have yogurt for breakfast? Is it a snack? How about savory options? I have a few recipes for each.

Breakfast

  • Take some yoYogurt with cinnamon + honey + vanilla + blueberriesgurt and add honey + cinnamon + fresh fruit. Don’t add the fruit till you’re happy with the sweetness. I don’t want to tell you how much to add because I’m weird and sweetness isn’t a priority. Only add around 1/8 tsp cinnamon for each 1/3 cup yogurt. You can make this a day or two ahead.

 

 

 

  • Greek yogurt with maple syrup + toasted walnuts + ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract per 1/3 cup yogurt.
    • I love this on an autumn morning. The maple syrup may make it a bit thinner if you use a larger amount. I recommend having this with an apple or waffles, but don’t add the syrup to the waffles! You’ve already got it.
  • Yogurt + vanilla extract + almond extract + toasted almonds + fresh blueberries
    • Both extracts ¼ teaspoon per 1/3 cup yogurt
  • Add your favorite cereal (low in sugar I hope) to yogurt for a longer lasting full feeling

Sweet Snack

I usually just add a spoonful of each ingredient (besides extracts and spices) for a few spoonfuls of yogurt

Yogurt 2

  • Yogurt + natural peanut butter + jam
    • Add more jam than peanut butter.
  • Yogurt + natural peanut butter + honey + cinnamon + Nutella OR chocolate chips (unless you’re a rebel)
  • Yogurt + Nutella + peanut butter chips (this is enough sugar, I promise)
  • Yogurt + lemon juice + honey
  • Yogurt + jam + chocolate chips or toasted, crushed nuts
    • Any type of jam will do, but I love blueberry
  • Yogurt + pumpkin puree + cinnamon + toasted walnuts
  • Yogurt + orange juice + orange zest + vanilla extract
  • Yogurt + broiled strawberries + brown sugar

Savory

  • Dips for chips and veggies
    • Yogurt + toasted sunflower seeds + lemon juice + thyme
    • Yogurt + chopped green onion + minced garlic or garlic powder + salt + olive oil
  • Sandwich or pita spread
    • yogurt + fresh dill + lemon juice + salt + little bit of garlic

IF YOU WANT SPECIFIC RECIPES WITH AMOUNTS AND ALL THAT JAZZ, POST A COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW.

Other Uses

Greek yogurt can be used as a substitute for sour cream, which is less calories if you’re into that. I just like the way it tastes.

Probably works as a good calking agent if you leave it out in the sun

It can help you live to 100 if you rub it on your elbows each morning

It can turn you into a time lord for a split second if you close your eyes. You’d have to each five tubs of it though for this to occur.

Greek yogurt is a great hair gel. Wear it to all family get-togethers and especially on dates.

BB8 Smoothie

What does BB8 stand for? In the name of simplicity, I hereby dub thee BB8 to stand for Banana Blueberry 8 ingredient smoothie (I guess not THAT simple). 

BB8 smoothie - Copy

I was too tempted not to call this the BB8 smoothie. I didn’t want to get anyone too excited, but what the hell!

https://tmblr.co/ZMt4kp1tcAol2
https://tmblr.co/ZMt4kp1tcAol2

It’s not star wars related, but it is pretty out-of-this-world delicious. The Greek yogurt and almond (or peanut) butter give needed protein that’ll help you feel full and be ready to fuck shit up as a Jedi or just a badass.

Any time before nine in the morning is too early for me usually. This smoothie makes it worth it though. Fortunately, it doesn’t take that long to make at all.

Ingredients:

  • 2/3 cup almond, coconut, or low fat milk
  • 1 banana
  • 1/3 –  1/2 cup fresh or frozen blueberries
  • A handful of greens*
  • ¼ cup of low fat plain Greek yogurt (store brand is fine. I love Fage when I can afford it)
  • 1 tablespoon almond or other nut butter
  • ¼ teaspoon vanilla extract
  • Pinch or two of cinnamon

Directions:

I recommend adding all of these ingredients in the order I have written if you use a Nutri-bullet, Nutri-Ninja, or any kind of blender that you flip upside down. If you’re using a standard blender, add the greens first. Fruit should go next, and then the addition of yogurt and liquids should follow.

If you’re using the force, I recommend just throwing it all in there in whatever way you want.

Adjust according to your own taste! I sometimes feel like using an ungodly amount of blueberries, but that can be expensive. This is the best balance I have found

Side notes*

  • When I say handful of greens, I mean it’s up to you which type of green leafy veggie you want to use. I love to use kale, baby spinach, or a combination of the two. If you decide to use kale, chop it up a little bit and add honey to the smoothie to counter any bitterness.
  • The frozen blueberries are great if you don’t have time to chill the smoothie. When I need to make it to go, I always use frozen fruit.
  • DON’T use ice. It’ll become watery very quickly.

Apparently, there are many variations of this smoothie online. I’m not going to say they aren’t good. Maybe they are, but this is fantastic. Even after all my experimenting, I always go back to this.

You could always ask the stars. 

https://tmblr.co/ZaDnby1_b1O7Y
https://tmblr.co/ZaDnby1_b1O7Y

Norwegian Waffles

Do you want to feel like it’s Saturday morning, every morning? If you said no, who the hell are you and what planet are you from? (Obviously not earth, and definitely not Gallifrey)

Norwegian Waffles

There’s a story behind these, but if you’re like 99% of the population, you won’t read it for more than 2 minutes. Scroll down to the recipe and make that shit.

OTHERWISE, READ ON!

This recipe is in honor of one of the best women in the world.

What do you call your grandmother? Nana, Mum, Nini, Gran, Abuela, Grammy, the one who gives me stuff my parents won’t, the list just goes on. I have nothing but fond memories of both my grandmothers. They’re beautiful, strong women in their own ways. My grandmother on my father’s side, Farmor, is easily the most sensible person I have ever known. Her actual name is Kari, but Farmor means “father’s mother” in Norwegian. People are continually baffled when I yell for her in the grocery store. “Why is that delirious girl yelling for a farmer?” You get used to it.

I don’t want to start a riot by saying either one of my grandma’s has better taste than the other, but Farmor is pretty spot on about… well about everything. From her hair to her shoes, her artwork to her kitchen, I can’t begin to tell you how much I admire her style. Everything around her seems so striking, but modest. Simple and minimalistic, that’s the Norwegian way, especially in terms of food. Farmor’s baking and breakfast dishes are to die for. However, I will admit, boiled potatoes and cod is a meal a little too bland for me.

When I told Farmor I would be making Norwegian waffles, I heard the excitement in her voice. The enthusiasm had nothing to do with me actually cooking them. This recipe is super easy. She was most excited because she had a heart shaped waffle iron that is traditionally used for this dish (Farmor is an avid and scary good bargain shopper, but that’s a story for another day).

Norwegian Waffles
Norwegian Waffles

You don’t have to use a heart shaped waffle iron to fall in love with this recipe (but it’s a nice added touch). It’s straightforward. My family loves to top these off with jam, cinnamon and sugar, or honey, but you can put on top whatever the hell tickles your fancy. I recommend blackberry jam; it’s too damn good.

Recipe:

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Ingredients:

  •  1 ¾ cup all purpose flour
  • 3 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 eggs, room temperature
  • 2 tablespoons white, granulated sugar
  • 3 tablespoons melted butter plus a bit extra for the waffle iron
  • 1 ½ cup whole milk*, room temperature
  • zest of one orange
  • 1 tablespoon fresh orange juice
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Instructions:

  1. Preheat waffle iron (seriously recommend a smaller, thinner iron for this recipe).
  2. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt (It sounds silly, but add them exactly in this order. Note as to why at the bottom). Whisk together; set aside
  3. Grab a medium bowl to beat both the eggs and sugar together in. The mix should be fluffy and airy before continuing.
  4. Now, add the butter and milk to the wet ingredients. Continue mixing for another 20-30 seconds.
  5. Zest the fresh, delicious smelling orange; then, squash it like it dumped you on Valentines Day… Get at least a tablespoon of juice. Add this and 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract to the wet ingredients.
  6. Only slightly mix the wet ingredients.Slowly pour into dry ingredients while mixing. Ensure the dry ingredients and wet ingredients are fully combined in a beautiful, orgasmic batter.
  7. Grease your waffle iron with a basting brush and some butter (you can use the spray, but why would you want to make me and the ozone cry?)
  8. Scoop about ½ cup of the batter into your waffle iron.
  9. Cook for about 4-5 minutes or until a light golden brown. When you take them off the iron, cover them with a paper towel to ensure they are soft.
  10. Serve them fresh with jam, honey, maple syrup, fresh fruit, or whatever you want.

Norwegian Waffles

*Notes: 

  • You can use 2% or skim milk, but I recommend the whole milk. I think it tastes better, and the texture of the waffles feels more like a pillow, as opposed to a piece of paper.
  • The reason I say to add the flour first is because you do not want the baking powder or salt being clumped together at the bottom of the bowl. It’s easier to whisk these ingredients in at the top of the flour mix, rather than the bottom! If you don’t do this, as I know from experience, you may bite into your delicious ass waffles and get a mouthful of baking powder or salt. Remember this whenever you bake!!!
Norwegian Waffles
Norwegian Waffles

I probably ate at least 5 whole waffles while making this recipe. The sacrifices I make for you are fearless…..